How leaving Wordpress for Squarespace feels like a chick flick

Wordpress and I first got together in 2010. We met when I was studying music in Brighton, introduced by my housemate. I was with blogspot at the time, but we were having problems - he was so stuck in his ways and never wanted to do the things I wanted to do. 

After a few late nights lying in my bed, fooling around and figuring out how we could work, I started to fall for him. He encouraged my love of writing far more than Blogspot ever did. We became official fairly soon after we started seeing each other, and before long I was living with him in one of his wordpress.com flats.

We were so happy in those first few years - albeit, young and naive - but happily supporting one another. He gave me a roof over my head so I could focus on my writing, and I kept him well fed with the thousands of words that continuously poured out of my keyboard.

Whilst this happiness was thriving, I became a little frustrated that I couldn't make our house a home, as it was his home and not mine. In his defence, he gave me control over what I posted and how many pages I had, and gave me access to some widgets - but there were a lot of plugins that I couldn't put up on the walls.

By 2012, I knew the right thing for our relationship would be for me to buy my own place with him at wordpress.org. 

I remember that move so well. My friend Annie helped me to pack everything up and lay out my new theme - painting the walls with my own little quirks whilst I was organising the content into new categories.

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The first day we were all moved in, I sat in Coffee Revolution in Sheffield writing a fresh blog post for our home - feeling like the luckiest girl in the world. That was one of the best dates that Wordpress and I ever had.

Three years of a happy, loving relationship went by. He supported me through the post-graduate apocalypse and all of the anxieties of being in my very early twenties, and helped me to celebrate the successes that intertwined with such experiences. 

We were happy, we were in love, he was my forever and always.

Then, without warning, everything changed.

One morning on my way to work, I got a text from my friend: "Pippa, why are you posting blogs with lots of Lorum Ipsum and broken Spanish?" 

I didn't. I wouldn't. 

Panicked, I went straight onto my phone and read the posts that my friend was referring to. I then tapped on the url, typed in the key - /wp-admin - and logged myself in. 

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As the page loaded, my heart sunk to the ground, my eyes filled with tears and my mouth lost all words. There he was - my Wordpress - fucking dozens of hackers on our Dashboard. 

I was utterly devastated. I was willing to give the rest of my life to him and he betrayed me - in almost every single file of my hosting centre. He even let them create files of their own.

We had it out that night as I was packing my bags to leave. He told me that I wasn't taking good enough care of him. I hadn't updated my theme to fit with his, I didn't invest in a password protector or a firewall - he had no other choice, he said.

I cried, he cried and I told him I needed space. 

After a few weeks staying on my friend Tumblr's sofa, I really began to miss Wordpress. I thought a lot about what he said and reminisced on the fun times we'd had through the Instagram shots that I'd syndicated on my Tumblr feed. 

For the most part, our relationship had been great. He'd been far more supportive than Blogspot, he's less boring than Tumblr and I'd heard from friends that Wix is just after a one night stand.

Wordpress and I are strong enough to get through this, I wrote in my paper journal - because I didn't want to make Tumblr feel used.

I went back to Wordpress, changed my theme to suit his, connected the Wordfence and Shield plugins, created an incredibly complicated password, cleared out all the infected files and even bought a subscription to Sitelock by Godaddy. 

I wrote about it too, so all my friends in Wordpress relationships knew what to look out for.

We had to go through counselling for a while, but with the help of my support group in the "Wordpress cheated on us too" forums, I found comfort in the fact that we were together again.

But I wasn't happy.

We didn't stay up for hours sharing our intimate thoughts, like we used to. I didn't talk about our life together with my friends. The thought of travelling with him didn't excite me anymore. 

Even after I'd cleared the files and scanned everything for malware, Wordpress just wasn't the same. Whenever I changed anything in a post, he'd shout something about the wp-ajax file and "whitelisting an action" at me and one day he started writing the words 'Site Content' at the top and bottom of every page on the mobile version.

On four occasions, despite doing everything he asked, he let a hacker in. I was quick enough to kick them out before Wordpress succumbed to temptations, but that doesn't make it right. 

The fourth time came just under two weeks ago. 

"That's it, I'm leaving you for Squarespace." I cried, frantically exporting my website. 

Truth be told, I've had feelings for Squarespace for quite a while. He seemed like such a nice guy - handsome, supportive and protective in a non-intrusive kind of way. 

I kept encouraging all of my friends to date him, but feeling envious when I could see how happy they were together. It was very confusing - I was in love with Wordpress, how could I have feelings of jealousy towards another CMS? I thought to myself, as I lay awake at night - sleeping next to Wordpress, dreaming of Squarespace.

The less trusting I became of Wordpress, the more I found myself trailing through Squarespace forums - immersing myself into his romantic ways and wishing that I was the girl he was courting.

That night - that heart-wrenching, cold November night - when I walked in on Wordpress and his fourth hacker affair, all I could think of was Squarespace.

He would never cheat. He would never pester me for updates. He would never allow plugins with vulnerabilities to continue running on my site. 

Knowing what I had to do, I entered his URL and pressed enter. 

His signup button scooped me into his arms and gave me the key to the door. A new door. His door. Our door.

We spent the weekend getting to know each other. He showed me his visual composer, and I showed him my posts.

He couldn't take my Wordpress file, due to its vulnerabilities, so everything had to be manually imported and laid out. However, it made me realise what was important of the 650,000 words that I'd written in the last 7 years. 

472 posts out of 536 were left behind. 

I feel happier, free-er and more myself with Squarespace. He couldn't be more perfect for who I need right now.

But there's not a day that goes by when I don't think about Wordpress. The love we shared, the adventures we went on and how he's doing now. I still want the best for him, even though my heart now belongs to someone else.

I just hope that one day he overcomes his vulnerabilities and meets someone that he loves enough to fight for.

Digital, ThoughtsPippa Says