Inner Boss Battles: Bring Back Blogging
When I imagined life as a freelancer and startup grower, I dreamt that Pippa Says would be there with me. I'd have the creative space to develop the brand, collaborate with some amazing businesses and inspire people to follow their own path.
18 months on and Pippa Says can be most accurately described as a washed up popstar.
The only time people remember her is when they come across her smash hits "Brighton Bloggers I Adore", "The East Side Gallery, Berlin" and "You Know You're A Brightonian When..." on Google. The latter is remembered more for the time that it got completely ripped apart in the Brighton People Facebook Group.
Much like the washed up popstars from my beloved 90s and 00s childhood, the reason why she crashed and burned is because she signed a deal with the devil. A devil that wouldn't sign off any creative time, wouldn't listen to any of her ideas and wouldn't invest anything into building her career.
That devil is, of course, me.
I often joke that I'm the worst boss I've ever had: if I'm in a flow with work, I won't get up to pee, to drink or to eat. I've actually got FOMO with my own work. And in the creative industry, work is never done. So I'm forever slapping myself with "Not Good Enough", I'm tearing up work if it doesn't feel "right" and telling people off who praise me.
Worst. Boss. Ever.
When it comes to blogging, my inner boss just hasn't been having any of it.
The excuses are pretty cliche: I have no time to blog, people are relying on me to grow a business, all of my creative energy should go into the projects that are paying my bills and noone reads blogs these days anyway.
But behind every terrible boss lies a vulnerable truth. And my truth is guilt.
I feel guilty giving any creative time to a project where the sole beneficiary is myself. I feel guilty investing in a passion that could take my time away from the City Girl Network. But I also feel guilty identifying as a blogger when so many others can do it better.
The latter point is, of course, linked to that Imposter Syndrome I confessed to last year.
Battling against all of the reasons why I shouldn't keep Pippa Says going is a far stronger truth: I absolutely love blogging. I love designing my site the way that I want it, choosing what I write, promoting it to the audiences that I feel it would benefit and thinking about how I want to be portrayed.
Pippa Says is my alter ego. It's why I talk about her in third person. She's my inner gut, my business brain and the confidence that I seem to have lost touch with lately.
Without her, I wouldn't be me.
Over the last few months, I've encountered countless confidence blocks in many areas of my personal and professional life. It wasn't until I started to invest some time into building a strategy for Pippa Says that those blocks started to fade away. I became more creative in strategy sessions for the City Girl Network, I started winning more writing work and sales opportunities started coming through the door.
I'll write more about this revelation in another post.
In fact, you'll be hearing about so many tips, tricks, hurdles and revelations from my slashie/multi-hyphenated life. It's about time I get it all out.
The only difference with this Pippa Says come back is that I won't be sharing my personal life. You'll hear nothing about relationships or holidays or adventures with friends. I need boundaries.
But I'll talk about cafes that are great for remote work, and I may deviate towards discussing dairy and wheat free food.
Ok, there will be no boundaries for food. I love food.
I'll explain how I came to my decision about boundaries another time.
For now, I just wanted needed to write a post that was calling me out on my own bullshit. I needed to admit to the bubbling cauldron of guilt, fear and Imposter Syndrome that my inner boss has been stirring away every time I considered taking some creative time for myself. Once it's out there, it's harder to hide from. I wouldn't be surprised if "Inner Boss Battles" became a regular feature, to be honest.
And if any of you are reading this and thinking of the creative project you keep talking about but never actually doing: it's time to call yourself out on your bullshit, too.